OMG SOMEONE KILL ME.
I'M ALREADY DYING.
read the script
remember my HONOUR POST
Beauty IS a Beast
(A single light comes up on the Fairy)
FAIRY: Now how is this story supposed to start. Let's see, Oh, yes. Once upon a time there was a princess named Beauty who was lovelier than anyone else in the entire kingdom. But wait, that's not really when the story started. It really started long ago, in a land far, far away, when Beauty was just a baby. Perhaps I should start by saying twice upon a time. Anyway, There was a royal family, the royal family of Callentine who had brought peace to their kingdom and led everyone out of the Dark Ages, by inventing the light bulb. Just kidding. They were kind and fair rulers who did what was best for the people. As a reward for their good deeds, I decided to make their newborn daughter the most beautiful person in the world. But as you will soon see, making Beauty that way was a big mistake.
(FAIRY snaps her fingers and lights go to black)
(Lights come up on a medieval village. A castle rises [C] above the peasants' homes [L, R]. Villagers wander, going about their business. Two stop when they see the beautiful PRINCESS)
SARAH: Isn't she the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?
MARY: She is a vision of perfection.
(The PRINCESS notices them talking about her)
SARAH: Her parents must have been truly good to receive such a treasure.
PRINCESS: (Angry) What are you two staring at?
MARY: (Nervous) We were just,
PRINCESS: (Mocks her) "You were just" what? Staring? Gawking? Why don't you go somewhere and mind your own business?
SARAH: Forgive us, Princess.
MARY: We didn't mean to offend you. We humbly beg forgiveness.
(SARAH and MARY rush away nervously)
PRINCESS: Yeah, well forgive this.
(She throws stones at them)
Ha! Got them.
That'll teach them.
TUTOR: (He comes from castle) Must you treat the peasants that way?
PRINCESS: (Pulls his long beard) I must!
TUTOR: Can't you behave like a lady?
PRINCESS: I will, if you will! (Laughs)
TUTOR: Quit acting like such a beast!
PRINCESS: Don't call me names or I'll have Daddy chop off your head like he did to the rest of my tutors.
TUTOR: I meant it in the kindest way.
(She smiles at his change in tone. She throws another stone at a passing peasant)
I'm just worried about you. You don't seem to care for anyone or anything. Someday you'll insult the wrong person and you'll be sorry.
PRINCESS: No, it's them who will be sorry. Guards!
(GUARDS appear and she points to TUTOR)
Take him away.
TUTOR: What? What did I do?
PRINCESS: He bores me. Off with his head.
(Laughs as the GUARDS drag him off screaming)
So what is on my schedule today?
(She snaps her fingers and a SCRIBE appears in a hurry)
SCRIBE: (Nervously struggling to hold on to numerous scrolls in his arms) Yes, Princess?
PRINCESS: (Knocks all the scrolls out of his arms) Read me my schedule.
SCRIBE: (Scrambles to find the right scroll on the ground) Well, you have a hair appointment at 9, a dress fitting at 10, a,
PRINCESS: Enough! I want to have a party instead.
SCRIBE: But Princess,
PRINCESS: BUT WHAT?
(PEASANTS stop to see what is going on)
SCRIBE: But of course, I'll go arrange it immediately.
PRINCESS: Good scribe. (Pats him on the head) You always keep your head about you.
SCRIBE: Yes, quite. (EXITS)
PRINCESS: (To PEASANTS) What are you staring at?
(They scrabble away)
HONOR: (ENTERS) Hello, sister. How are you this fair day?
PRINCESS: Are you really that nice or are you just pretending?
HONOR: What ever do you mean good sister?
PRINCESS: You're always so sweet. Don't you ever get sick of being sweet?
HONOR: (Laughs) Oh, sister, you always speak in such strange riddles. You always make me laugh.
PRINCESS: And you always make me sick.
HONOR: Where is your fair scribe off to?
PRINCESS: He is preparing a party.
HONOR: Oh, dear.
PRINCESS: Oh, dear, what?
HONOR: I already had a party planned.
PRINCESS: You? You never have parties. You're not the popular one.
HONOR: I know. I thought it was a silly idea too, but father insisted.
PRINCESS: Whatever for?
HONOR: Well, uh,
PRINCESS: Well, uh, WHAT?
HONOR: You see, uh,
PRINCESS: Out with it, girl!
HONOR: There's this prince.
PRINCESS: What prince?
HONOR: Prince Andres of Acrime.
PRINCESS: Never heard of him.
HONOR: He is soon to be the king of Acrime.
PRINCESS: Acrime? Where the devil is that?
HONOR: Sister? Did you not learn your geography lessons?
PRINCESS: Who cares about stupid geography?
HONOR: Well, Acrime is the large kingdom East of here. Daddy says the kingdom is larger than ours.
PRINCESS: Larger than ours?! Impossible.
HONOR: You're probably right.
PRINCESS: So why are you having a party for this prince?
(HONOR blushes and is silent)
Oh, I know! The party is for me! So I can meet Andres. And I spoiled the surprise. How horrible of me. Well, I will be sufficiently surprised when you introduce me.
HONOR: Well, actually,
PRINCESS: I know you don't want me to lie but it isn't really lying. We wouldn't want to disappoint father.
PRINCESS: I must hurry and get on my most lovely dress. I want to look my best for our guest. Not that I don't always look my best. I know one can't improve on perfect beauty, but I shall try.
(PRINCESS exits happily)
HONOR: (Sad) Actually, the party was for me.
(EXITS. FAIRY appears)
FAIRY: Ahhh. Poor Honor. That girl has put up with so much. Beauty has always treated her so badly, but Honor continues to be as kind as ever. I must do something for Honor. I must reward her for her goodness in some way. Maybe I could give her a golden
brush, a magic mirror. Oh, I know.
(Snaps her fingers)
How about a handsome prince?
(ANDRES walks in. Stands proudly)
Yes, that should do nicely. That will infuriate Beauty for sure.
But how can I keep Beauty from stealing him? Oh, I know.
(Snaps her fingers and ANDRES stumbles and waves his arms around)
I'll make him blind. That will protect him from Beauty's powers.
(FAIRY disappears. PEASANTS go about their business until they see ANDRES)
SAM: Look! Over there. A stranger.
JANIE: He looks like a prince.
MEG: That's Prince Andres of Acrime.
TIM: He's rich.
JO: And powerful.
SAM: He must be here to see our Princess Beauty.
JANIE: Or maybe he's here to see her sister, Honor.
MEG: But Beauty is so much prettier.
TIM: But Honor is so much nicer.
JO: Maybe he's here to see us.
SAM: Dream on.
ANDRES: Good peasants.
(ANDRES is guided by servants because of his blindness)
JANIE: Hello, good prince.
ANDRES: Is this the castle of the fair princess of Callentine?
MEG: Maybe. Which princess?
ANDRES: Oh, yes. There is more than one.
TIM: Beauty and Honor.
ANDRES: Yes. This is the castle I seek. Thank you good people.
(He tosses them gold coins)
JO: Thank you good sir!
(ANDRES exits with servants)
SAM: But he never said whom he was coming for.
MEG: I'm sure we'll find out. No one can ever keep a secret in this kingdom.
JANIE: Why are you looking at me?
TIM: Come, we're late for the party.
(THEY all rush off to the party and FAIRY reappears)
FAIRY: I just love a party. They might as well call it a surprise party because Beauty is going to get the surprise of her life.
And she ain't gonna like it one bit.
(Snaps her fingers and lights go black)
SCENE 2: PARTY
(Many people are attending the party. Everyone is in fancy costumes and dances to the music. HONOR and the KING join in. BEAUTY hangs back and looks pretty)
HONOR: (After dancing) Come dance the next dance, sister.
PRINCESS: I don't want to mess up my dress.
HONOR: But it's so fun.
PRINCESS: There are some things more important than having fun.
HONOR: Like what?
PRINCESS: Go and enjoy yourself. I'll wait here for the prince to arrive.
HONOR: He already has.
PRINCESS: What? And he didn't say hi to me yet. Hasn't he spotted my absolute beauty? Hasn't he seen how radiant I am today?
HONOR: Uh, Beauty.
HONOR: He hasn't seen anything.
PRINCESS: What do you mean?
HONOR: He's blind.
PRINCESS: Blind? You mean he can't see?
HONOR: I'm afraid not.
PRINCESS: He can't even see my beautiful new dress?
HONOR: I'm sorry.
PRINCESS: (Nervous) Then, then I'll have to go talk to him.
HONOR: That would be a lovely idea.
PRINCESS: Yes, talk. I can do that.
HONOR: Come. I'll introduce you.
PRINCESS: Yes, yes. Okay. Just give me a minute.
HONOR: I'll bring him over.
(HONOR goes to get ANDRES)
PRINCESS: Oh, dear. What am I going to say? What can we
talk about? "What do you think of my hair?" No, I can't say that. "What do you think of my shoes?" No, that won't work either. What shall I do?
HONOR: (Brings over ANDRES) Andres. This is my sister, Beauty.
(ANDRES holds out his hand. PRINCESS reluctantly reaches out her hand. ANDRES takes her hand)
ANDRES: It is a pleasure to meet you.
(He kisses her hand)
PRINCESS: So good to meet you too.
Uh, so. How do you like my, I mean, how do you like?
ANDRES: The party?
ANDRES: It's wonderful. Especially the music. I love the music.
PRINCESS: I hadn't noticed.
ANDRES: It's delightful.
PRINCESS: Well, guess you want to run along.
ANDRES: Honor did say she was going to give me a tour of the kingdom after the party. I'm looking forward to it.
PRINCESS: You are?
HONOR: It's such a beautiful day outside. It should be lovely.
ANDRES: Your sister has been so kind to me. I wish I'd heard about your kingdom years ago.
PRINCESS: (Insincere) Yes, me too.
HONOR: Come, Andres. Let's have one more dance.
PRINCESS: You can dance?
ANDRES: Well, not really.
HONOR: But I can't either, so we make perfect partners.
ANDRES: We do!
PRINCESS: Yes, I guess you do.
(Another dance begins and HONOR and ANDRES join in. PRINCESS watches unhappily)
Some sister Honor is. She goes and steals my prince.
PRINCESS: Well, I'll show her. When I'm declared Queen of the Ball, as usual, then Andres will realize who the best princess is.
KING: Attention everyone! Attention!
(Everyone gathers around)
We now must crown the Queen of the Ball.
(PRINCESS crosses to her father proudly)
And for the first time, the voting was unanimous. The envelope please.
(SCRIBE brings envelope)
And the winner is, Princess Honor.
(HONOR is shocked, as is PRINCESS. ANDRES cheers, as do the PEOPLE)
PEOPLE and ANDRES: Hip-hip hurray! Hip-hip hurray.
(HONOR is crowned and given flowers. She is embarrassed)
HONOR: This is such a special day for me. I will remember this always.
KING: As our Queen of the Ball, you have the opportunity to make one royal decree.
PRINCESS: (to a nearby person) No one can top my last one: a chance to vote on which dress I look best in. I spent a whole day modeling my dresses. What a chore.
HONOR: As Queen of the Ball, I decree that tomorrow will be a holiday.
PEOPLE: No work! Hurray.
HONOR: And we will have a feast for ALL the people of our kingdom. Rich and poor.
PRINCESS: She's only allowed one thing. That's two.
(She is totally ignored)
HONOR: We, we,
(HONOR is totally embarrassed. ANDRES steps forward)
ANDRES: Tomorrow we will have a wedding. Honor has agreed to marry me.
PEOPLE: Hip-hip hurray! Hip-hip hurray!
(PEOPLE crowd around ANDRES and HONOR and they all hurry off stage excitedly. SERVANTS linger, cleaning up)
PRINCESS: I can't believe this. They didn't even notice me today. I might as well be invisible.
(FAIRY godmother appears)
FAIRY: That can be arranged.
(She taps PRINCESS with her wand.)
PRINCESS: Hey! What did you just do?
FAIRY: I made you invisible.
PRINCESS: You did?
FAIRY: I did. You have been the center of attention for too long. It's time you learned what it's like not to be noticed.
PRINCESS: Who do you think you are?
FAIRY: I'm your fairy godmother.
PRINCESS: Aren't you supposed to be nice to me?
FAIRY: I was once. I'm the one who made you beautiful when you were a baby. Now I'm here to correct my error.
PRINCESS: Error. That was no error.
FAIRY: It was Beauty. You may be lovely on the outside but you
are ugly on the inside.
PRINCESS: How dare you call me ugly!
FAIRY: You must stay invisible until you learn!
PRINCESS: Invisible huh? This could be fun.
(She kicks a servant who thinks its another one. They get in a fight as a result)
Oh, how lovely.
(She pulls another servant's hair)
FAIRY: Oh, dear.
(PRINCESS picks up something and makes it float around)
MOLLY: It's a ghost.
(SERVANTS scream and run out)
PRINCESS: This is great!
FAIRY: Maybe I need to rethink this.
(Zaps PRINCESS and she freezes)
Perhaps there is another way.
(She waves her wand)
Zippidy , wippidy , mippidy . do. You pick on servants and now they will pick on you!
(PRINCESS collapses and BLACKOUT)
(KING, HONOR, and ANDRES gather to talk to the SCRIBE)
KING: This is dreadful. Are you sure she is nowhere to be found?
SCRIBE: I'm sorry, my king. We have looked everywhere. She has just disappeared.
HONOR: This is all my fault.
ANDRES: No, it isn't.
HONOR: Yes, I never should have hosted that ball. Beauty is the one who always has them. It's terrible of me to take that from her. She must be so mad at me.
KING: You are just as able to have parties as she is. She has no right to be upset about that.
HONOR: I must find her and talk to her. She must be devastated.
ANDRES: We will search everywhere for her, my princess. We won't stop until we find her.
KING: (To the SCRIBE)
Gather every available person. The search must begin immediately. A hundred pieces of gold to the one that finds her.
SCRIBE: Yes, my king.
(They all depart)
FAIRY: This is all going according to my plan. Yes, I have a plan, believe it or not. You think I'm making this up as I go along, don't you? Well, you'll see. This story will have a happy ending. I'll bet my wand on it. Now, to check on Beauty.
(Snaps fingers and blackout)
(Outside the castle there is a strong man contest going on.
Different people compete, trying the lift various objects)
MAYOR: Now we're down to two men. Nick and Joe. Joe will go first.
JOE: No problem.
(Crowd cheers him on. He strains and doesn't pick up the object)
MAYOR: Now you, Nick.
NICK: I'll give it a try.
(Tries to lift it. Strains. Then does. Crowd goes wild)
MAYOR: Nick is the winner!
(Girls wave to him and blow kisses. Guys pat him on the back and shake his hand)
NICK: Thank you everyone. You are too kind.
MAYOR: And your prize.
(Hands over bag)
NICK: Five pieces of gold! That will feed my whole family for a month.
JILL: That's quite a prize.
NICK: You can say that again.
JILL: Do you need someone to help you spend it?
NICK: I plan using this to feed all my brothers and sisters.
JILL: Oh, you're no fun. Come on. Live a little. Let's throw a party.
NICK: I'm not going to waste this money on some silly party.
JILL: I'll dance every dance with you. I won't leave your side.
NICK: No, Jill. Forget it. I'd rather feed my family a month, then play for a day.
JILL: Would you do it for a kiss?
NICK: Good-bye, Jill.
JILL: Fine. Be that way. There are a million boys that like me.
I'll go dance with one of them.
NICK: You do that.
MAYOR: Jill certainly is a beautiful girl, Nick. How come you don't like her?
NICK: She doesn't understand how important this money is to my family.
MAYOR: I must say I admire you, my boy. Not many young men your age would give up everything for a bunch of little orphan kids.
NICK: As far as I know I haven't given up anything for them. My family and I have food, clothes, and a roof over our heads. What more could anyone want?
MAYOR: You got me there. Come, I want to introduce you to some friends of mine.
(MAYOR and NICK exit. PRINCESS enters in rags. She is completely messed up. She is dizzy and confused)
PRINCESS: Where am I?
MEG: Who are you?
PRINCESS: I'm Beauty.
JOHN: That's a funny name.
PRINCESS: What's so funny about it?
SALLY: Well, you're not exactly,
(NICK enters and notices the PRINCESS is upset)
PRINCESS: (Notices her clothing)
Oh, what happened? Where are my lovely dresses? Who did this to me?
My fairy godmother did this. Where are you? I demand you come
to me immediately.
MEG: She's crazy.
SALLY: Let's go, Meg.
(NICK goes up to PRINCESS)
MEG: See you later, crazy girl.
SALLY: (To MEG as they go)
They should call her Ugly, not Beauty.
BEAUTY: Yeah, well, if I weren't so nice, I'd call you a thing or two.
NICK: What seems to be the trouble?
(PRINCESS notices how handsome NICK is)
PRINCESS: Uh, hi. I seem to have been greatly wronged and am seeking restitution.
PRINCESS: Believe it or not, I am Princess Beauty.
(NICK tries not to laugh)
What's so funny?
NICK: It's just that, you look nothing like her.
PRINCESS: I know. My fairy godmother did this too me.
NICK: I thought fairy godmothers were supposed to be helpful.
PRINCESS: So did I. Where is she?
This isn't funny, fairy godmother. If you don't turn me back now, you'll be sorry.
NICK: If you're really Beauty, why don't you just go home and tell them what happened? You can take a bath and get cleaned up and it will be okay.
PRINCESS: That's an excellent idea.
(She marches up to the castle gate)
Hello, you stupid servants. Let me in. It's Princess Beauty.
(They scramble and rush to open the door. But they stop her)
Get out of my way.
GUARD: Sorry, but you're not Princess Beauty.
PRINCESS: I am so.
GUARD: You can't possibly be.
PRINCESS: Step aside. I want to see my father.
GUARD: No way! Back off.
PRINCESS: Don't touch me.
(They push her out and she lands on the ground)
GUARD: And don't try that again or we'll throw you in the dungeon.
Now what am I going to do?
NICK: (Helps her up)
Do you have anywhere else to go?
PRINCESS: No. No where.
NICK: Come with me. We'll get you cleaned up and fed. Then we'll decide what to do.
(NICK takes PRINCESS by the hand and leads her away)
HONOR: (Comes to gate)
Have you seen any sign of my sister?
GUARD: No, Princess.
HONOR: No one else has seen her?
GUARD: Oh, sure. Lots of people have come claiming the reward your father offered. They say she's anywhere from the stables to the moon. We even had one peasant come and claim she WAS Princess Beauty.
GUARD: She looked nothing like her. She was all dirty and ugly.
HONOR: Didn't you offer to help her?
GUARD: Uh, well,
HONOR: We should help all the people of our kingdom, especially those who are suffering.
GUARD: I'm very sorry, Princess. I will not error again.
HONOR: Please let us know immediately if there is any sign of Beauty.
BILL: Hey there! I found her. I found the Princess Beauty!
(Points off L. LADY appears)
LADY: (Old and strange and dressed quite funny)
Here I am!
(They laugh as the lights fade to black. A spotlight comes up on FAIRY)
FAIRY: Well, well, well. Beauty has found herself a handsome peasant boy. A most unexpected development. A most unexpected and PLEASANT peasant development. A day or so among the "little people" might be exactly what Beauty needs to see things differently. Now for the difficult part. I must teleport all of you into Nick's tiny home. It's much smaller than this castle here. If you don't mind I'll have to shrink you down a bit. You will be no bigger than mice. You must all agree to stay in hiding though. Oh, yes and watch out for the family cat. He gets awful hungry this time of day. Everyone ready? Here we go.
(Snaps her fingers and black out)
What happened to the lights? What's going on here? Did someone forget to pay the light bill? This is ridiculous.
(Remembers the audience. Turns on a small light)
Oh. I suppose all of you are more upset than I am about this. Now, no one panic. I've got everything under control.
(Her little light goes out)
(NICK takes PRINCESS to his humble home. It's a simple peasant's home)
NICK: Here we are.
PRINCESS: (Not pleased) Oh.
NICK: What's wrong?
PRINCESS: You live here?
NICK: That's right. You're used to your huge castle and all your fancy stuff.
PRINCESS: You're making fun of me aren't you?
NICK: I'm sorry. It's just a little hard to believe you're the princess.
PRINCESS: Well, I don't care what you think. I'll get along just fine without you.
NICK: Now, don't be like that. You're welcome to stay as long as you like. Aren't you hungry?
(Holds out some bread to her)
PRINCESS: (Eyes bread) Just a little.
NICK: Then eat.
(She takes it and eats greedily)
You are hungry.
PRINCESS: Where's that big family of yours you told me about on the way over here?
NICK: They're probably out for their afternoon walk.
(Hears them coming)
There they are now.
(They march in happily)
PETER: Hello, Nick!
NICK: Hello, family. I have great news.
PATTY: You found a goose that lays golden eggs?
NICK: Almost as good. I won the strong man contest. I won five pieces of gold.
KIDS: WOW! Way to go.
JANIE: That's wonderful. That can feed us for a year.
NICK: Well, maybe not a year, but it will sure help.
CINDY: (She notices PRINCESS) Who's this, Nick?
JIMMY: Is it your girlfriend?
NICK: This is a friend in need.
SAM: What's her name?
PRINCESS: Beauty. My name is Beauty.
(Some of the kids laugh)
JANIE: Don't laugh. Even though she may not be beautiful on the outside, she must be beautiful on the inside. That's the most important Beauty.
NICK: Well said, sister.
JANIE: Children. Run along and do your chores. Dinner will be ready soon.
(KIDS leave except for JANIE and NICK)
PRINCESS: If only that were true. I'm afraid I'm ugly inside and out.
JANIE: You mustn't say that.
PRINCESS: But I am ugly on the inside. That's why I was turned ugly on the outside too, because that's all that was important to me.
JANIE: Come with me. Let's fix you up and we'll see if we can't find that beauty again.
(JANIE and PRINCESS exit out back L. There is a knock R)
NICK: (Answers door)
SCRIBE: I am the royal scribe. We are offering a reward for anyone who knows where Princess Beauty is. 100 pieces of gold.
NICK: 100 pieces? That's a fortune!
SCRIBE: So if you see her,
NICK: I will let you know.
SCRIBE: Good day.
NICK: Uh, wait a minute. How do I know if it's her?
SCRIBE: She's the most beautiful woman in the kingdom. You can't miss her.
NICK: But what if something happened? What if she got dirty or messed up somehow? How could you tell it was she?
SCRIBE: That's a good question. Let me see, Oh, I know. She has a birthmark on her foot. You can't miss it when she takes off her shoes, which she rarely does. It's the one imperfection in her perfect beauty.
NICK: Thank you. I'll let you know.
SCRIBE: Good day, then.
NICK: (Puts two and two together)
(There's another knock at the door)
Who could that be?
JILL: Hi, Nick.
NICK: Oh, hi, Jill.
JILL: Aren't you happy to see me?
JILL: I decided to forgive you for insulting me today.
NICK: You have, huh?
JILL: Yes, you were such a brute to me, but I can't help myself. I still like you.
NICK: Lucky me.
JILL: So do you still want to go to the dance with me?
NICK: I already told you!
JILL: It won't cost us anything. I hear Princess Honor is paying for everything.
NICK: Princess Honor?
JILL: It's her wedding ball. Everyone is invited. And it's free!
NICK: I heard it was canceled.
NICK: Princess Honor refuses to get married until Beauty is found.
JILL: Leave it to Beauty to ruin my plans. I hope they never find her.
NICK: That's a terrible thing to say.
JILL: She's so mean and awful. The only good thing about her is
NICK: I'm sure she's a good, honest person like the rest of us.
JILL: I doubt it.
NICK: So I guess we don't have to worry about the dance now.
JILL: I guess not. Do you want to go for a walk instead?
NICK: No, thanks.
JILL: Why not?
NICK: I have company.
JILL: You always have company.
NICK: Guess you'll be going then?
JILL: What's his name?
NICK: Whose name?
JILL: Your guest?
NICK: You mean, her name?
JILL: It's a "her?"
NICK: Actually, she says she's Princess Beauty but she looks nothing like her.
JILL: So do you like her?
NICK: I just met her.
JILL: But do you like her?
NICK: There's something about her, something special.
JILL: I can see I'm not wanted. I better go.
NICK: Please don't be mad, Jill.
JILL: But I thought you liked me?
NICK: I do, as, a friend.
JILL: But I'm so beautiful. How could you not like me?
NICK: There are more important things than beauty?
JILL: Fine, then. Good-bye, forever.
(She runs out)
NICK: I'd be worried about her but she said the same thing to me last week.
Are you finished with your chores?
Are you washed up for dinner?
(They look at each other nervously)
NICK: You know the rules. No washing. No dinner.
(They reluctantly exit to wash up but stop when they see PRINCESS enter)
Wow. You look great.
What did you do, Janie?
JANIE: A little scrubbing and a nice dress did a little bit of magic.
SAM: You're pretty.
CINDY: Nick thinks so, too.
NICK: Run along kids and wash up.
JANIE: What's wrong, Beauty?
PRINCESS: I don't understand why you've been so kind to me.
I've never done anything for you. I don't have money to give you or anything else.
NICK: We are always willing to help those in need.
JANIE: Before they died, mother and father made us promise to always help people.
NICK: Half these kids aren't even really our brothers and sisters. They're orphans.
JANIE: Like us.
PRINCESS: But why? You don't owe them anything.
NICK: There's more to life than owing people something.
JANIE: I best go out and get the stew. It's cooking over the fire outside.
NICK: And Beauty can help serve.
NICK: Would you mind?
PRINCESS: I've never served anyone.
NICK: This is a good time to start.
PRINCESS: Do I have to?
JANIE: She's our guest Nick. She shouldn't need to.
NICK: Whatever you say.
I can't believe you.
NICK: Janie was nice enough to clean you up and give you her best dress. Now you won't help her with dinner.
PRINCESS: But I'm a princess. We don't serve.
NICK: You're a spoiled brat is what you are.
PRINCESS: How dare you!
NICK: How dare you.
PRINCESS: What about you?
PRINCESS: I don't see you serving either.
NICK: But I'm a man.
PRINCESS: Well, who's the spoiled brat now?
NICK: That's different.
PRINCESS: Oh, I see. The women serve the men. That's how it works.
NICK: It's no worse than EVERYONE having to serve the princess.
PRINCESS: It's a totally different thing all together.
NICK: Wait, wait. Let's not fight. I have an idea. Why don't we both go help Janie?
PRINCESS: I suppose that would be a good compromise.
NICK: Let's do it.
(Kids enter as they exit)
PATTY: There go Nick and his girlfriend.
CINDY: He likes her doesn't he?
PETER: I'll bet he marries her.
JIMMY: He will not.
PETER: Will so.
JIMMY: Will not.
(JANIE enters with kettle, followed by PRINCESS and NICK with bowls)
JANIE: Sit children and we'll serve you.
CINDY: I want Beauty to serve me.
(PRINCESS sighs and gives a bowl to CINDY)
JIMMY: I want Beauty to serve me too.
PETER: Me too.
JIMMY: Me first!
PRINCESS: (Throws down a bowl)
What do I look like? A servant?
JIMMY: (Cries) She yelled at me!
PRINCESS: Oh, golly.
JANIE: (Tries to comfort him)
It's okay, Jimmy. She didn't mean it.
PRINCESS: Quiet! I can't stand all that noise.
(Other kids start to cry)
NICK: (To PRINCESS)
Now, look here. You can't go around and yell at my family.
We've tried to be nice to you and look how you treat us.
PRINCESS: Fine, I'll leave.
MANDY: (Youngest girl stops her)
Beauty. Please don't go.
MANDY: You can stay. I'll take care of you. I'll feed you and make you pretty dresses.
PRINCESS: (Plops down and cries)
It doesn't matter what I do. You all still like me. I don't understand.
MANDY: It's because you're beautiful.
PRINCESS: Not anymore.
MANDY: I can see it inside you.
PRINCESS: (Hugs MANDY)
MANDY: (To NICK)
Please let her stay.
OTHER KIDS: Please.
NICK: Only if she cleans up that bowl of stew she threw down.
MANDY: I'll do it for her.
NICK: No. Only she can do it or she needs to go.
MANDY: Please, Beauty. Please clean it up. We want you to stay.
JIMMY: I'm not mad at you. Please, don't leave.
PRINCESS: Fine. I'll clean it up.
(PRINCESS starts to clean)
JANIE: That's good enough.
NICK: No, she has to clean it all.
PRINCESS: Hey, you know. This isn't so bad. In fact, it's almost fun. Give me a broom, I want to clean the rest of the room.
(CINDY gets her a broom)
This is fun.
NICK: Okay, okay. You did it. You can stop now.
PRINCESS: No, this is great. I've never had this kind of fun.
NICK: I've created a monster.
(KIDS cheer PRINCESS on as lights fade to black)
FAIRY: (A light appears on her)
And clean she did. Beauty attacked every piece of dirt like she was dueling an evil, fire-breathing dragon. "Take that, dirt. Take that!" She had never done anything as difficult, or as fun, or as wonderful. She cleaned until the sun faded in the West and she couldn't see the end of the broom anymore. She was tired but happy, and forever transformed.
(PRINCESS is sitting, her feet propped up on a chair. She is
Tired from cleaning. It is night. A candle is lit)
NICK: (Enters quietly)
You're finally done?
PRINCESS: I even cleaned the bottom of the table.
NICK: (Looks under it)
I can't believe it.
PRINCESS: I've never enjoyed myself that much before. And I've never been this tired.
NICK: You were incredible. It would have taken us a week to do that much cleaning. You have paid us back and more.
PRINCESS: Finally, a compliment.
NICK: I have been kind of hard on you.
PRINCESS: Kind of? I've never been treated so poorly.
NICK: This was definitely a day of firsts for you.
PRINCESS: You can say that again.
NICK: What's wrong?
PRINCESS: My feet. They hurt so badly.
NICK: It's those shoes. They look too small for you.
PRINCESS: Maybe so.
NICK: Can I take them off for you?
PRINCESS: No, that's okay. I'm fine.
NICK: No, really. I'll rub them for you.
PRINCESS: Oooh. A foot rub. How I miss those.
NICK: May I?
PRINCESS: Oh, I'm too tired to argue.
(He sits and she rests her feet in his lap)
I'll have to warn you.
NICK: (Removes her shoes. He stares, stunned) The birthmark.
PRINCESS: Isn't it ugly?
NICK: Ah, aah,
PRINCESS: Nick? What's wrong?
NICK: You're the princess!
PRINCESS: I've been trying to tell you that.
NICK: (Falls on his knees) Oh, your highness. I'm so sorry.
PRINCESS: Nick, please don't grovel. That's why I liked you. You didn't feel like you had to treat me that way. I'm just a normal peasant girl now.
NICK: But why?
PRINCESS: My stupid fairy godmother did this to me. Correction: My smart fairy godmother. She's made me like cleaning.
It worked, fairy godmother. It worked! I'm happy not being a beauty.
(Looks at NICK)
I never thought I could live without my beauty, but I guess I can.
(CINDY and SAM wander in unnoticed)
NICK: Who said you weren't beautiful?
PRINCESS: I look dreadful.
NICK: I don't think you look so bad.
(CINDY motions in other KIDS)
NICK: Really. You look good enough to kiss.
(He leans in and KIDS start giggling)
What are you all doing in here? You're supposed to be in bed.
MANDY: We wanted to see you kiss her.
NICK: Go back to bed.
Sorry about that.
PRINCESS: That's okay.
NICK: So what do we do now?
PRINCESS: I don't know.
NICK: Should I go get the Scribe? We can show him your birthmark and then you can go home.
PRINCESS: And you can get your hundred gold pieces for
bringing me back home.
NICK: How did you know about that?
PRINCESS: Janie told me.
NICK: I don't want any reward.
PRINCESS: You're crazy not to take it.
NICK: I should be paying them a hundred pieces of gold for letting me spend time with you.
PRINCESS: But I've been terrible to you and your family.
NICK: You may have upset me at times. But there's something about you. The way you are that makes me never want to let you go. It's not your beauty, it's you.
PRINCESS: Oh, Nick. (They hug)
NICK: Your fairy godmother took the beauty on the outside and put it on the inside.
PRINCESS: Thank you.
NICK: No, let's thank your fairy godmother.
FAIRY: You called?
PRINCESS: There you are! I ought to.
Give you a big hug.
FAIRY: Well, this is certainly a change.
PRINCESS: I can't thank you enough for what you've done.
FAIRY: Perhaps I over did it a bit.
NICK: I suppose you're going to change her back now.
FAIRY: I can and I will.
PRINCESS: No, wait. I just got used to being this way.
NICK: But don't you want to be a princess?
PRINCESS: But if I become a princess, I can't be with you.
NICK: You'd give all that up for me.
PRINCESS: You and your family were so good to me. You're the first one to care for me for who I am, not what I look like. And I
feel so good. Before I just felt bad all the time.
FAIRY: Oh, what to do, what to do. Fairy godmother rules say I must change you back since you learned your lesson.
PRINCESS: Can't you break them, just this once?
NICK: But what about your family, Beauty. They're worried about you. If you don't go back,
PRINCESS: Oh, my goodness. I forgot about them. How awful of me.
FAIRY: Nobody's perfect.
PRINCESS: Especially not me.
FAIRY: What will it be, Beauty?
PRINCESS: Why can't I have both?
PRINCESS: Both Nick and my family.
PRINCESS: Yes, Nick.
NICK: You must go home.
PRINCESS: But, Nick!
NICK: Your family needs you. I know what it's like to lose someone you love. It leaves an emptiness in your life that you can never fill. When my parents died,
PRINCESS: If you think that's what's best!
NICK: I do.
PRINCESS: But I don't want to become so mean and terrible again.
FAIRY: You can be any way you want to be now. I promise.
PRINCESS: Then I better go.
NICK: I'll miss you, Beauty.
(Takes her hands)
PRINCESS: I'll miss you too.
FAIRY: Here we go!
(ZAP! And lights go black)
PRINCESS: It's so dark.
FAIRY: Something's wrong?
PRINCESS: Are we home yet?
NICK: (Runs into something)
I'm afraid not.
(There is a knock at the door)
I wonder who that is. I guess we'll never know because I can't
find the door.
FAIRY: Now what's the spell for turning on lights.
(She claps her hands twice)
(The lights return)
That was easy.
NICK: I've got the door.
JANIE: It's me, Nick. I've brought someone.
(She leads in HONOR and the KING with SCRIBE and GUARDS)
PRINCESS: Sister! Father!
(She runs and hugs them)
KING: Beauty? Is it really you?
HONOR: What happened to you?
PRINCESS: Something wonderful.
KING: I don't understand.
PRINCESS: I haven't been the nicest person in the world and my fairy godmother here decided to turn me inside out.
HONOR: I'm so glad your safe.
PRINCESS: I don't know what would have happened to me if it hadn't been for Nick.
NICK: (On his knees)
Yes, your highness.
KING: Please rise.
(The kids all start to gather)
CINDY: Are you really the king?
KING: I'm really the king.
CINDY: I don't believe you.
NICK: Cindy, show some respect.
KING: That's okay. She seems like a sweet girl.
PRINCESS: Thank you all for taking care of me. You've all been
MANDY: Are you leaving us?
SAM: Please, don't go.
NICK: She must go. She's a princess.
PRINCESS: But, I can't just go back to the way I was. I like
my new life.
KING: What are you saying? You don't want to come home?
PRINCESS: I just don't want to be who I was before. I can never
be as good as Honor.
HONOR: What do you mean?
PRINCESS: Iï¿½m still not as beautiful as you are, sister. I don't think I ever can be.
HONOR: But you are the most beautiful woman in the kingdom.
PRINCESS: I used to think so, but not anymore. Now I think you've always been the most beautiful, we just couldn't see it.
FAIRY: I can return your beauty to you now.
PRINCESS: No, I don't think I want my beauty anymore.
NICK: I think you're beautiful now.
PETER: Don't change, Beauty.
PRINCESS: I don't think I will.
HONOR: Father? Can't we let Beauty stay here?
KING: My daughter? A peasant? Never.
HONOR: Then why don't you get rid of the peasants.
HONOR: That sounded terrible. What I mean is why don't you make all the peasants nobles, lords, and ladies? We can give them all some of our riches and they can all live as well as we do.
KING: I suppose we could do that.
PRINCESS: Oh, please, father.
KING: Okay. Weï¿½ll do it!
KING: We will open the royal treasuries. We'll give away all our excess clothes and food. No one will ever suffer in our kingdom again!
KING: And we'll start with our friends Nick and Janie.
NICK: Please, your highness. We don't need anything. We are happy as we are.
JANIE: We have everything we need.
KING: But you don't have silver plates and purple robes. You don't have golden chairs and fuzzy slippers.
PRINCESS: All things we can live without.
HONOR: How about no more taxes?
NICK: It's a deal.
(Shakes KING's hand)
KING: No, no, no more taxes. Are you sure we can do that?
HONOR: Yes, father. We can. We have more money than we know what to do with and soon I'll be married to Andres and living in his kingdom.
KING: Then who will lead my kingdom?
PRINCESS: Perhaps Nick would be willing.
PRINCESS: You could make him a prince, father.
PRINCESS: And then we could get married.
NICK and KING: Married?
HONOR: I think it's a wonderful idea!
KING: I think we're out voted, Nick.
NICK: It looks that way.
KING: This is certainly one of the most unusual things that has ever happened in my kingdom.
PRINCESS: You can say that again.
NICK: You sure this is what you want to do, Beauty.
PRINCESS: I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
HONOR: It looks like we're going to have a double wedding!
PETER: I get to be best man!
CINDY: I get to be the maid of honor.
MANDY: I want to be the flower girl.
KING: What have I gotten myself into?
(Lights fade to black)
FAIRY: (A light comes up on her. She's sobbing happily) Wasn't that a touching story? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
(Gets herself under control)
Things were never the same in the kingdom again. Peasants were freed from their burden of taxes and numerous holidays were declared for the upcoming weddings of Beauty to Nick and Honor to Andres. And they all lived happily ever after, of course.
(Stops as if someone has asked her a question)
Me? I'm off to Hawaii for our centennial fairy godmother convention. I heard the big island is going to blow it's top. That will be quite a show. Almost as good as this one. Bye now!
(Snaps her fingers and lights fade to black)